mal..🦆

i ate a clock yesterday. it was very time-consuming

whats black nd white nd black nd white nd black nd white nd red nd black nd white nd white nd black nd red nd red nd black nd red nd white nd black nd red nd red nd red nd red? a penguin in a blender

what has four legs nd one arm? a doberman at the playground

my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.

whats the fastest way to get to the hospital? stand in the middle of the road

what part of the vegetable's the hardest to eat? the wheelchair

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

what do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off

a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"

my boss told me i have a preoccupation with vengeance...we'll see about that

feeling stressed? have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.

as i grow older, i remember all the people i lost along the way. maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”