mal..🦆

(: short nd silly :) ❤ taken by the best person in the whole world ❤ "la strada è più dura quando stai puntando al cielo" here are all the gold stars ive earned.. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐✨ (Madi gave me the fancy sparkly one <3)

Registered on 9/21/2023 · 61 followers

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a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

whats black nd white nd black nd white nd black nd white nd red nd black nd white nd white nd black nd red nd red nd black nd red nd white nd black nd red nd red nd red nd red? a penguin in a blender

i ate a clock yesterday. it was very time-consuming

my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

what part of the vegetable's the hardest to eat? the wheelchair

what do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off

what has four legs nd one arm? a doberman at the playground

what do priests and mcdonalds have in common? they both shove their meat between 10 year old buns

my girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. fair enough. i gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

whats the fastest way to get to the hospital? stand in the middle of the road

i went to see my dentist and she warned me it was going to hurt. then she told me she was having an affair with my husband. good news though...the cleaning didnt hurt.

my husband is mad that i have no sense of direction. so i packed up my stuff and right.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag? One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.