Theres an outbreak of the foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok
Hailey ❁
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
"Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.... All the kings horses and all the kings men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows
the cradle will rock when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall
and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patients mouth?
I C D K
You know what I see?
DICK :0
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish", and the Clownfish "Nemo fish" 🤣
I do this too often!!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
What is are Russia's favorite netball positions?
Goal Shooter and Wing Attack
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A Milkshake.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.... The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
*Principal:* What is 3+3?
*Boy:* 6.
*Principal:* 6+6.
*Boy:* 12.
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
*Boy:* Legs.
*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?
*Boy:* Pockets.
*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
*Boy:* Coconut.
*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
*Boy:* Bubble gum.
*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
*Boy:* Tent.
*The principal was looking restless*
*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
*Boy:* Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
*Boy:* Nose.
*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
*Boy:* Arrow.
*Principal:* O MY GOD.
*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
*Boy:* Fork.
*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
*Boy:* Surname.
*Principal:* Ohooo !
*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
*Boy:* Heart.
*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The colour orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'seperate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, its a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea
Wanna hear a joke? Me.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
Like this post if you think pineapple belongs on pizza.
Dear clothing websites if it's put of stock DO NOT ADVERTISE IT
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar
What is an astronauts favourite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE