Autterpop

What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression... Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight? Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..

I now suffer from anxiety aND depression :\

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It’s called Enditol.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

How did the man with no arms commit suicide? We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide. Tbh they really left me hanging there

-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-

a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"

she says "im going to jump"

the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"

the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says

"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"

If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

Whats an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt me.

Tried committing suicide last night...

Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself! :0

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems.... ...if I could just get the right people to try it.