Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first
When you're working in the twin towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at you're pun?
Looks like someones funny bone is brokenđ
You do 1 line, you're not a crack head You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic But I murder 1 person...
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
âI know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in awhile, but youâre really abusing that privilege.â
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Youâre so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so u could wear a mask
boss: you're fired
me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
boss: you're a waiter where did you get those
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do? Check your map, youâre obviously going in circles.
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Suicide is just self defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when youâre done eating.
A guy finds a genie...
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
