What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either
it’s just true
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over." Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
it's not rape if you're both crying
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
If you're ever bored, try scaring the shit out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
A Vampire goes to the Bakery:
Vampire🧛♂️: „One Bun please.“
Bäcker👩🍳: „But you're Vampire, don't you need blood 🩸 ?“
Vampir🧛♂️: „Yes, there is an accident outside and i need something to dip“
If you're gonna razor yourself you might as well have shaving cream.
Sans: wow. seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
You're so ugly when a pig saw you it thought that you were there family member .
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
