Velvet jokes

Dude

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

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    Poll

    Since this site is so FUCKING dead all the time, I have a fun game for y'all to play! Every day, there's going to a poll where YOU guys control what a person named "Jamal" does. Story number 1 is going to be "BBC Bounty: Cartel Craves That N***a Nut".

    Before we start, *THIS STORY HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT, DON'T READ IF YOU FIND IT OFFENSIVE (obviously no N-words and they're only censored because of Matt's rule). And hone… Read more

    Songs you NEED to listen to!

    Velvet Ring - Big Theif Genesis - Grimes Brakhage - Stereolab Jump the Turnstile - TV Girl, Jordana Partyisntover/Campfire/Bimmer- Tyler, The Creator

    I am currently crying so hard right now. This is seriously the most beautiful, well put together story ever. I can’t believe how magical it was 1:12. That part truly made me shed a tear. And especially at 6:34 that part was just so truly heart touching words can not describe the series of emotions I felt. I absolutely loved the climax it had insanely excellent detail. Oh and we can’t forget the conclusion. The conclu… Read more