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So jokes

So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.

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    • A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

    When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

    A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

    The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

    Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

    The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

    Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

    Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.

    Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?

    Son, you're adopted!

    One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

    Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

    "Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

    "I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

    Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

    Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

    Santa: "Done!"

    Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

    Santa: "Done!"

    Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

    Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

    Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

    So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

    After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

    Man: "I am 35 years old."

    Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

    A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

    The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

    The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

    I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

    So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

    So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

    I know, it's an awful joke.

    I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

    It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

    Joke: "7 8 9" (seven eight nine), why is 8 (eight) scared of 7 (seven)?

    Answer: This is because; in "7 8 9", 8 is pronounced as (ate). So because seven ate nine, eight is scared that seven would eat eight also.

    Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"

    The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.

    The kid asked him again and so on.

    Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"

    Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.

    One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.

    So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.

    So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

    I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

    So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

    My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"