Share jokes

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?

Because it was a cunt.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.