Worst Jokes Ever

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Adolf Nigler

People will bet on everything... ...I mean nothing.

A screenshot of a prediction market titled "Nothing Ever Happens: May." The market rules state that it will resolve to "No" if Russia and Ukraine agree to a ceasefire, the next Pope is Black, the Fed cuts rates, India invades Pakistan, or Israel or the US take military action against Iran. Otherwise, it will resolve to "Yes."

United Kingdom UK

A screenshot of two tweets. The first tweet, posted by The Rock on September 11, 2024, states, "Nobody can defeat me." The second tweet, posted by Paper on September 14, 2024, is a reply to The Rock's tweet.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a message request from the user "Local_toaster_fucker" saying "Check your toaster." The options are to accept or ignore the request.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a Twitter exchange. The first user asks the official Minions account if they used to work for Hitler. The Minions account replies "no silly we only work for villians!"

Adolf kitler

A two-panel image shows a cat sitting in front of a computer with the text "When your cat messages your boss..." The second panel shows a chat with a string of random characters and the message "Absolutely. Smartest thing you've ever said."

Anonymous

A screenshot of a Discord chat between two users. The first user, with the name Doll, admits to being hypersexual and horny. The second user initially responds with understanding, but then states that they were thinking of the first user while they were having these feelings. The first user responds with "That's bad."

DAP ME UP

UMM ??? AGREEABLE MUCH.

A screenshot of a Twitter conversation. Charli D'Amelio states "Roblox is trash, I like Fortnite better". The official Roblox account replies "I don't care, Fortnite doesn't want you anyways too..." and someone else says "I couldn't agree more with Roblox. Girl thought she is important".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a phone screen displaying a text conversation. The first message reads "FBI Agent: Do it bro". Followed by the user: "My dog just ran away", "Yah" and "I still have a boyfriend". In between, the FBI agent texts "I'm so sorry to hear that" and "I'm here if you need anything". The last message by the user reads "And I still have my dog."

Heroin Monkey

A promotional poster for a boxing match between Jake Paul and Joe Biden. The poster is titled “A Netflix Live Event” and has images of both men. It also shows “AT&T Stadium, Arlington, TX” as the location and “Friday November 15” as the date of the fight. The logos of “Most Valuable Promotions” and “Netflix” are also visible.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a mockup of a WhatsApp chat interface with Friedrich Engels' picture on the right. The WhatsApp screen shows a conversation with Karl Marx repeatedly messaging "I NEED money". The text above reads "WHAT IF FRIEDRICH ENGELS HAD WHATSAPP" with laughing emojis next to it.

Heroin Monkey

A text message conversation. It starts with a message from "fbi agent" saying "You welcome, don't mess this up king". Followed by a question "Wyd", the reply "playing xbox with the boys", then "you?" and finally a message saying: "Parents aren't home come over".

opal💫

A chart showing the times of the day from 1 am to 12 pm, with a cheese icon next to each of the morning times (am) and a steak icon next to each of the afternoon times (pm).

Heroin Monkey

A receipt with the text: Bill. Dine In. Server: Jessica A. Tab: Bill. 1 Pina Colada "Extra Creamy" Idfk. That's just what he said he wanted. I guess add whip before you blend. Idfk. I hate it here.

Heroin Monkey

Sarah
Chongalongadong
when you hug a guy and you
smell his colon
11/7/14, 2:36 AM from Queens, NY
tayLORD.
ErykanBaDent
When you can still smell his colon
on your pillows even though he's
not there >>>>>>>>
@RichOrb
I love when I can smell a guy's
colon as he walks by
7/14/14, 10:13 AM
jen
basedgin
Stylish Sweetheart
KAY5wEels
after you hug a boy and you smell
like his colon <33
I smell like his colon now
11/12/14 1:16 PM

tabs1528

The top image shows two Coast Guard officers standing on a boat, looking at a person in a large inflatable bubble. The bottom image has a young man with a questioning expression. The text reads: "Florida Man Who Tried to 'Run' to Bermuda in Inflatable Bubble Rescued by Coast Guard, Again. AGAIN...?"

Heroin Monkey

A text conversation screenshot where a person with the name Jessica says "I tried callin." and then "This Jessica btw". The other person asks "Fed or bot?" and the person replies with "Bye". Below the conversation there is an image of the cartoon characters Kim Possible and Johnny Bravo, the latter with a gun pointing and stating "ANSWER THE QUESTION". Jessica replies “Fed”.

Willy b

Heroin Monkey

SCHOOL
SPEED
LIMIT
20
7:00 AM 9:30 AM
2:00 PM-5:00 PM
Pedophiles love this sign!
Slower speeds just give perverts more time to stare at kids.
SHARE if you support raising the school-zone speed
limit to 80 mph to keep our children safe!

Anonymous

A screenshot of a phone notification screen shows multiple notifications from "Electron arrangements" stating that "Mrs V. Gilroy has set a new Chemistry homework". The text at the top says: "I THINK SHE TOOK IS A BIT... SERIOUSLY".

Heroin Monkey

A Twitter post with a user asking a hypothetical question about getting their penis stuck in a ketchup bottle, followed by two replies.

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