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Wine

Oh

A text message conversation. The first message says, "Started my juice cleanse yesterday and also went for a hike." The second message says, "bullsh*t, what'd you really do?" The third message says, "drank 3 bottles of wine and fell down the stairs."

Ring

The image shows a text overlay stating, "ME POSTING 'RINGS OF POWER IS BETTER THAN THE TRILOGY,' THEN PUTTING MY PHONE ON VIBRATE AND STICKING IT UP MY ASS." Below the text is a close-up shot of Frodo Baggins from Lord of the Rings, looking up with his eyes rolled back, as if in discomfort or ecstasy.

Equation

if i had 8 good women what does that mean

A screenshot of a text explaining a calculation. The text states that, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and according to Lil Wayne, bitches are cheap. The text calculates that, therefore, one good girl is worth $8.33. It refers to this as a 'basic equation substitution method' and 'could be a SAT question'

Minecraft movie

The text reads: Calling it now. The Minecraft movie is gonna have a scene where Jack Black gets hit in the balls or something and says "Ack! My cubes!" because he has cubes for balls and the joke is that his balls are cubes.

Memes

"Why do you love being a woman?"
@sourpsycho
Women are like bacon. They smell good,
They taste good, and they will kill you slowly

Snail

The image is a six-panel comic strip. In the first panel, a man is pointing up and saying, "If salt kills snails, then if my hypothesis is correct". The second panel shows a snail in a box with pepper being sprinkled over it and text saying, "Pepper should, in fact, bring them back to life!". The third panel shows the snail glowing with a bright light. The fourth panel shows a giant snail with the man standing at his feet and text saying, "Oh god, I was wrong. It just makes them huge and horny!!". The fifth panel shows a huge snail close-up with long tendrils and text saying, "Now lemme get ya slimey- I wanna nibble on your virginity!". The sixth panel shows the man crying and screaming with a snail tendril coming towards him with text saying, "Mum get the salt! Get the f***ing salt!"

Alien

A gray alien with big eyes and an open mouth is pressing his hands against a glass surface. The text reads: "Aliens surrendering after seeing all their ships and weapons go missing not even 2 seconds into the invasion (they landed in Romania)."

Motorcycle

A cartoon character with a red face, wearing sunglasses, and smiling is displayed in the center. The text below the cartoon reads: "so long suckers! I rev up my motorcycle and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement"

Memes

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

House

bro wtf is tihs ad

A video game ad showing a baby crawling away from a man in an orange shirt in a house. The text says, "Play Whos Your Daddy. Play Around In Your Two-Story House And Garden Packed With Potentially Dangerous Items. Sponsored. MaxLevelFun. Download"

Seafood diet

A boy flexes his arm muscles. Text: I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Memes

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Christmas

Credit to the original uploaded

The image is a four-panel comic strip of a yellow bird wearing a Christmas hat and scarf. In the first panel, the bird sits on a perch near a window with the caption "this is the best time of the year!". The second panel shows a hand petting the bird with the caption "human stays home to scritch me more". In the third panel, the bird is near a Christmas tree with the caption "human also puts out more perches". The fourth panel shows the bird next to a present with the caption "and makes some shredding toys just for me!".

Fact

Good being

The image shows a list titled "10 Fun Facts." The facts include instructions that lead the reader to check their own behavior, such as breathing with their tongue out, checking if they skipped number 5, and realizing they have been tricked. The text at the bottom says, "Share this with friends and leave a like."

Memes

Are you out of mind!
Why do you carry those bricks!
Now is bedtime!
I'm tryna get like you
mama I mean you got
them airbag titties
like hubba hubba
honk honk type shitt
wanna know what it
feels like to carry
around all that
weight you been
carrying around all
your life I mean at
least since you was 14
not that I would've
been into it at that
age I'm just sayin like
you got them
bazooka bubble
breast and I'm tryna
chew on that
experience got me
bricked up fr fr

Shower

A person covered in white shaving cream or soap stares forward in front of a window. The caption reads "when you in the shower and the lights flicker".

Trailer

Matpat in a nutshell

Divorce

A screenshot of a Google search result for "Mummy Pig" showing a cartoon pig, followed by text that details the pig's life as having 67 divorces, being in love with Lester from GTA 5, hacking Fortnite, and killing 417 people including Stephen Hawking.

Story

Like for bonuses if you are following me and you have the best explanation

A man covered in mud is carrying a muddy dog on his shoulders. The dog has something in its mouth. The text overlay says, "Here's a story that needs to be told...."

God

A person in a hospital bed surrounded by a vast array of medical equipment, including monitors, tubes, and pumps. Text overlay reads: "religious people will see this and say 'He's in God's hands now'". A watermark in the lower left says "@anti_theist_v1.0".

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