what did the traffic light say to the other
hey stop looking at me im changing
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras but then I heard popping behind me
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle
Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Wanna know the last words of the south tower?
̈HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZ- ̈
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
A dolphin swims into a bar, and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
nobody: Jfk: :) hi guys JFK's killer: ayo look at this shit i just hit a clip
Apple bottom cringe boots with the kek (with the kek) got the whole club looking at shrek
My brother :what are u looking at. me: a mistake
I wasn't looking at you, ur big forehead was distracting me
You look at it you tug on it like a shoe string play with it like elastic bubble plastic but it still never grows
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you I thought to my self of the last time I was a baby
What did satin say to god??
Bitch what the fuck you looking at
y Do orphans look at a house for so long Cuz they never had one
People are fighting in a war and a man gets hit 4 times in the arm and says "Tis a Scratch" And the other guy looking at him in shock says "A Scratch, Your Arm is off you body"
When the emo kid looks at you and says fuck you...RUNNN
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "everytime someone lies, it ticks once, Mother Terresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, " Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
I asked my friend "shouldn't we have 6 senses?" he replied "what is the 6th sense?" "common sense" I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention" never mind" I said.
