INS jokes

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?

A penguin in a blender.

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."

Girl: How much do you love me?

Me: Count the stars in the sky.

Girl: Aww, it's infinite!

Me: No, just a waste of time.

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."