INS jokes

Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Slept in my Little Shop of Horrors T-shirt, woke up and could suddenly see more.

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.

What does Pikachu and an orphan have in common?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not with a "c"?

Because you can't C in the dark!

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.

He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.

Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.

Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.

What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?

You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

Why is 6 scared? Because 7 8 9.

Why is 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

When you're watching a 9/11 documentary, that one kid in your class finds the 97th Jenga block and knocks it down.

Logic fire bars in Fortnite sped up to sound like he [is a] chipmunk like Alvin, Simon, and Theodore :)

Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't get even.