INS jokes
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
So, we all know that old kids' joke: why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Well, why was 10 scared? Because he was in the middle of 9 11.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Closer kin, deeper in!
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.