INS jokes
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬
Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.
Me: Spell "I cup."
My Friend: I see you pee.
Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!
My Friend: Oh hehe O-O
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!
So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
What do you call gulls in the sea? Seagulls!
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Dababy in my dickle trickle when eating my pickle.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
I put my uncle's ashes in my Taco Bell so he could tear my ass up one more time.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?
My dad hates them both!
Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading?
Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.