Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? -- Because the sign says No Tres passing.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Say all you want about priests but at least they drive slowly in school zones
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" -- The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 woman what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said how the fuck did you get in here? 😂😂😂
Father : I don't trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter's belly,. Son : But Paah you can't fire me. Father: You're lucky you're my brother too or I'd kill you.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
How did they know that princess Diana had dandraff? , They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Teacher: Johnny can you use a sentence with definitely in it Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them Teacher: of cause not Johnny Little Johnny: then I’ve definitely shat myself
What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.
I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.
What's the most played game in Africa? Hunger Games.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white and secondly they both get turned on by kids.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. he said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
i was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
