INS jokes

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

What's the most played game in Africa? Hunger Games.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.

Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.