Flint jokes

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

Me: I have an arrow in my head.

My friend: What's the point of that?

Me: Of the arrow?

Friend: No!

Me: Probably the flint.

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

What flour do you give an orphan?

Self-raising.

What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"