Eggs Benedict jokes

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

Amber Heard's Morning Routine

Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.