Dying jokes
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Emos get jealous when their phone dies.
Poor biggie😔
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌
Vote for the better joke!
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What died on 9/11? 2,996 people.
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
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What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.