Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good so I told him so. My brother said to me, "at least I don't have to camp in order to get kills". I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills".
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
Why does the military recruit orphans? Because homing missiles don’t target them
Ever wondered my gay kids don't play basketball ? Becuz they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop
I don't know what an hd is, but my doctor says I have 80 of em'
They say give a man an inch he'll take a mile what about women they don't have Dick's
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person "Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick
Why orphans suck at Gta because they don't know how to be wanted.
i don't get it. orphans are very religious, well mostly. statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church i mean its the only place they can call someone "father"
When I see lover's names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. Why? I don't know y.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around
I see them hang all day
Gwen if ur reading this the link I sent is for u and ur bf to chat and stuff no one shall bother u! Pinky pinky! Btw do U know how I am cause if do then I am related to kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry just chat with ur boy friend
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So I did science homework on top of a math book
Rey: Join me Ben you don't have to be alone anymore, join me. Ben: But Rey, Ive always been solo.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true
