I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon"
So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Sex is like math
You add a bed 🛌
Subtract the clothes👚👕👖👙
Divide the legs🪢
And pray you don’t multiply 👨❤️👨👩❤️👨👩❤️👩
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What's the difference between eggs, and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
If you don ́t like my suicidal jokes, sorry man didn ́t know it cut that deep.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry I’m already going under.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
Why do vegetarians give a anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at a adult book store because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy, It usually takes me days
Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?
Because two wongs don’t make a white.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout
Because every time they scan it scans twice.
Q: you want to know way I don’t make jokes about 9/11 A: They tend to crash and burn
