Do jokes
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
... family photo.
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?
A: Jalapeño business!
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
What do you call a white kid looking at infants?
Pedophilia boy.
What do you call a white kid who kills another?
Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.
What do you call a triggered white kid?
A school shooter!
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
What do you give a sick lemon?
A lemon-aid.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
What do you call the sky? Up high, high! AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA
When do cows moo? Moosday.
What do you call a flat cabbage?
A leaf pile.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
Do you know Joe?
Joe mama, mama, a, a, mama, a, a, amam.
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."