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They say the surest way to a woman’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

GENESIS 39 Joseph and Potiphar’s Wife 1Now Joseph had been brought down to Egypt, and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the guard, an Egyptian, had bought him from the Ishmaelites who had brought him down there. 2The Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man, and he was in the house of his Egyptian master. 3His master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord caused all that he did to … Read more

GENESIS 37 Joseph’s Dreams 1Jacob lived in the land of his father’s sojournings, in the land of Canaan. 2These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was pasturing the flock with his brothers. He was a boy with the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father’s wives. And Joseph brought a bad report of them to their father. 3Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was th… Read more

GENESIS 35 God Blesses and Renames Jacob 1God said to Jacob, “Arise, go up to Bethel and dwell there. Make an altar there to the God who appeared to you when you fled from your brother Esau.” 2So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, “Put away the foreign gods that are among you and purify yourselves and change your garments. 3Then let us arise and go up to Bethel, so that I may make there an alta… Read more

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's alright, because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's alright, because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I can't tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like And right now, there's a steel knife in my windpipe I can't breathe, but I still fight while I can fight As long as the wrong feels ri… Read more

GENESIS 33 Jacob Meets Esau 1Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants. 2He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. 3He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother. 4But Esau ran to meet Jacob a… Read more

GENESIS 32 Jacob Prepares to Meet Esau 1Jacob also went on his way, and the angels of God met him. 2When Jacob saw them, he said, “This is the camp of God!” So he named that place Mahanaim. 3Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4He instructed them: “This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and hav… Read more

GENESIS 30 1When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” 2Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” 3Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.” 4So she gave… Read more

GENESIS 28 1So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him. Then he commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman. 2Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother. 3May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples. 4May he give you and your de… Read more

hey guys look what my cousin said im telling tracy to make sure your in trouble now this is why your roof is falling in and you got to boil creek water to wash your stinky ass you wear makeup and whore clothes for attention from guys because u dont get any at home no one loves you you put so much makup on you look like a prostitute and the only way you can get attention iss wearing clothes with your ass out like gir… Read more

You might think I'm crazy The way I've been cravin' If I put it quite plainly Just gimme them babies So, what you doing tonight? Better say, "Doin' you right" (yeah) Watchin' movies, but we ain't seen a thing tonight (yeah) I don't wanna keep you up (you up) But show me, can you keep it up? (It up) 'Cause then I'll have to keep you up Shit, maybe I'ma keep you up, boy I've been drinking coffee (I've been drinking cof… Read more

GENESIS 26 Isaac and Abimelek 1Now there was a famine in the land—besides the previous famine in Abraham’s time—and Isaac went to Abimelek king of the Philistines in Gerar. 2The Lord appeared to Isaac and said, “Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live. 3Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and will bless you. For to you and your descendants I will give all these lands and w… Read more

GENESIS 24 Isaac and Rebekah 1Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. 2He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. 3I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4but will go to my country … Read more

YOOOO!!! I just ran over a cat in my car on the way to school today!! Like and follow me if you wanna pic of the body! lol XD

Bee Movie Script

According to all known laws of aviation,

there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang… Read more

Bailey I know hate me right now and I get what I said would have hurt me too I know I fucked big time and I really hope that this letter shows you how sorry I am I get it if you don't want to be friends or just never talk again and if that is what u want then so be it this will be the last that will hear of me talking to but just know that I'm very very very very sorry that I hurt you thanks for reading this maybe you did maybe you didn't, either way, thanks for being my friend.

Sincerely, Jasmin

GENESIS 21 The Birth of Isaac 1Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. 2Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. 3Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son Sarah bore him. 4When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumcised him, as God commanded him. 5Abraham was a hundred years old when his … Read more

GENESIS 19 Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed 1The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2“My lords,” he said, “please turn aside to your servant’s house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning.” “No,” they answered, “we will spend the ni… Read more

GENESIS 18 The Three Visitors 1The Lord appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. 2Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground. 3He said, “If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. 4Let a little wat… Read more