Ares jokes
Why are mountains never serious?
Because they’re hill areas.
Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?
Friend 2: Yup.
Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?
Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.
Friend: Why?
Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Are you Wi-Fi? Because I think I am finding a connection.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."