Ares Jokes

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)

Girls are like valcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

Seat belts are like the condom for cars.

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.

You’re so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked “Are you moving?”

Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.

Why do ballerinas wear tutus? The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener

if tomatoes are fruit does that mean ketchup is a smoothie

Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.

what did the pedophile say to the kid. "roses are red ,my name is dan ,i have a gun get in the van"

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?" Friend: "Yeah, but you are too." Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

Are you a toaster because I want to take a bath with you

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

Saying I’m sorry and I apologise are basically the same thing... except at a funeral

what are kidnappers favorite shoes...white vans

Roses are red shit is brown get that dick out my ass so we can go to town

Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.