Ares jokes
I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?
The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)
The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)
Thanks for reading this...bye!
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Why are white people so white?
Because they forgot to urine on lotion.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!
Bob Weir: Where are you going?
Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
Why are so many people making fun of people with wheelchairs?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.
How many feet are in feet?
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.
Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}