Ares jokes
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.