Ares jokes
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
Me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? Friend: why? Me: they have a history of separating colors.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.