ANS jokes

Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.

Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

What is an Emo’s favourite music element?

Self harmony.

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?

An orphan.

I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

What happens when an asian with an erection bumps into a wall? he breaks his nose

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.