ANS jokes

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

what's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop up an onion.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?

In an explosion.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

"Pikachu, I choose you!"

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.