ANS jokes
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.