Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant. Dad: well is she already part of the family? Son: Yes, why? Dad: then there’s no need to be worried.
Shower thoughts
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes. A few hours later dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said “honey can you get the mashed potatoes” dad said “why she’s right here”
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
If you hit a Indian person on the forehead with a dart is it considered a bullseye?
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
Does a migit count as a orphan?
A Japanese man goes to the dentist after being there for a while, the dentist ask “ How of do you floss your teeth? The jap said “ after every meal”, when they finish up the dentist turns to him and “says you need to floss your eyes more, I can still see them”
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said “we will talk about this when we are on the ground”