Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.
But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..
Knock knock,
Whos there
Stop
Stop who
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life ten when I woke up my wife was gone.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late, his best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure" he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?' "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, "how is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?" The 1st friend said, "well you see Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious? the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there's Joe with those 2 assholes."
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dog for a walk.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Tayler Swift.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, "where have you boys been?" 1 of them replied with, "we were all over the neighborhood, we're mail men now." Their snobby teen sister said, "well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters." Then 1 of the boys said, "actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why did the emo cross the road?
To not get to the other side.
One day at school I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school I made fun of an orphan.
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?
Fill her closet with see through clothes.
One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, "you have to come with me and see this it's really important," Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can't it wait until the morning?' I pleaded, "no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "oh so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car and she farted into the gas tank.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops I dropped my lollipop.
Why are 10 pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.