"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Overwatch_Gamer321
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
Man, chocking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that
There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.