Thereness jokes
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not."
"Not who?"
"Not your dad."
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.
Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.
Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.
I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Orphan who needs a parent!
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.