Thereness jokes
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Donut.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, there is no electricity.
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jake who woke up one morning to find his wife and her wheelchair missing. He searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, he put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
Knock knock? Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Not kangawho, kangaroo!
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
Why can you hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
There's no parent signature.
Look behind you, there is Stephen Hawking.
Nobody.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Charlie.
Charlie who?
Charlie Brown! Good grief!
What does water see in orphans that they don't? Their parents.
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
Q: Why did Stevie Wonder drown?
A: Because there wasn't a lifeguard in sight.
Why is there a hole in Uranus?
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!