Thereness jokes
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two, but now it's just a sensitive subject.
Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.
Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: ...Who's there?
Boy: Not your parents!
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?
Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."