Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.
The bartender shakes his head, and says.
"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.
Puns: I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th. They're going to have an explosive party, that will definitely blow you away. It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast too!
I say 1 2 3 all the kids bullied me but now they're not so cool cuz I shot up the school
22 ants were playing football in a saucer. One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're pare- oh wait, nvmd, carry on.
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
Not all roses are red not all violets are blue if you're reading this God loves you
What do you do when you see a a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going into circles
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
When you find out the stripper your banging is a hooker but you're saving money so it's ok
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all crips (sorry)
Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses some say they’re still in the air
Why is it you donate one kidney you're a hero but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
Q: what is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan A: one knows we’re home is
