Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation? You: No Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!

Comments (28)

F

Marry me! You are so funny, Jake!πŸ’©πŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ˜»πŸ’‹πŸ’‘πŸ‘«β€οΈπŸ§‘πŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ–€β£οΈπŸ’•πŸ’žπŸ’“πŸ’—πŸ’–πŸ’˜πŸ’πŸ’Ÿβ™₯️

C

This joke is klunk!

G

Well... you’re a liar, because I have seen the movie Constipation! Spoiler Alert: Shelly’s poop does come out in the end. It brought tears to my eyes!

W

Has anyone ever pooped on a bird? I gives you a real adrenaline rush! I definitely recommend it to anyone who is looking for a thrill! πŸ’©πŸ¦πŸ€ͺ

B

Okay, so... Jake you really seem like a trustworthy guy. I just need to confess something. Hopefully these messages are private, because I would be in some real poop. Here it goes, so back in the olden days (2018) I was staying at my mom’s house and I needed to poo. So I went to the bathroom and did my business, but there wasn’t any toilet paper. So, I used my mother’s brand new white shower curtain. And guess what!!! My fiancΓ© was staying over at my mother’s house too, so Ma thought it was her!

B

Big Daddy again, so about what I commented. When Mommy accused Bertha (my fiancΓ©) of wiping her tush on her curtains, there was this big uproar at home! Then Bertha found out that I let her take the fall, and called off the wedding! And guess what?! She met by big bro at Momma’s house and married him!!! All I wanted was for my mom to love me again, and that’s why I let Bertha take the blame!!! Any therapists out there???

D

Hi, Big Daddy! I am a local therapist. If it comforts you at all, one I went to my in-laws house right after I ate a giant burrito. I was going on a trip that day with my wife and in-laws, before we left for the flight, I needed to take a dump. Once all was finished with, if ya know what I mean, we went on vaca for 2 weeks. Turns out I forgot to flush, and I was hit with the smell as soon as I walked in the door. I flushed the toilet, and couldn’t get the smell out for years, my wife left me.

B

WAIT! THESE COMMENTS ARE PUBLIC?! WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY BE PUBLIC!!! I SPILLED MY HEART OUT TO YOU, AND APPARENTLY EVERYBODY ELSE WHO READS THESE COMMENTS! HOW DO YOU DELETE THEM! OH NO! WHAT IF MOMMY READS THIS AND FIGURES OUT IT WAS ME! I’M SORRY MOMMA! PLEASE LOVE ME! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! THANKS FOR TRYING DOCTOR PHIL, BUT NOTHING CAN FIX MY BROKEN HEART! WAIT! PLEASE DON’T TELL ME BERTHA SAW THIS!!!

A

Have you ever pooped a poop that was so big that the toilet wouldn’t flush?

P

This is to Andi Mack: YES!

T

I can totally relate to Andi Mack!

D

But here’s the real question: have you ever farted a huge fart at an important meeting and pooped a little? Because I’ve done it many, MANY times. P.S. I am so much better than Barack O’Bama!!!

B

Okay, so, I would just like to say that I had the privilege of pooping on Kim Kardashian’s head! Aren’t you so jealous?πŸ’©

B

Jake From State Farm, if that’s even your real name, you are very constipastist! You offended me very much by making a joke about constipation! I am a survivor! I had to deal with constipation for 34 years! And you making a joke about it!? Seriously!? You probably just jinxed me! I bet my poop isn’t going to come out of my butt tomorrow!

D

Hi, Doctor Phil here once more. Big Daddy, you need serious help, no offense. I think that if I can’t help you, there is only one person that can. My friend Dinkinshlarf. He is a masseuse. Not a masseur, which is the male term for masseuse, but the female term. He is Russian and very weird, but also your only hope.

K

I’d just like to say that my wife recently told me that the government was making it legal to marry a poop! See ya later Karen!

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P

So, I can totally relate to what Dr. Phil said. That same thing happened to me! A few years ago, my friends and I went on a vacation right after we all graduated from the same college. Our parents all chipped in to pay for our graduation trip/gift to Paris, France! I finished packing and realized that I should probably go to the bathroom before I hopped on the plane. Once I went to the bathroom and did my business, I realized it was a good thing I went because I took a #2! To be continued...

P

Posie again! Then, my friend Jackie called to me, β€œHurry up! The flight leaves in an hour! We have to be on the road in 5 minutes!” But I still needed to find my portable charger before we left, so I quickly washed my hands and dashed out the door. I did find my charger, so all was good. After our 2 week vacation I came home to my apartment. My apartment complex allows cats and dogs, so I left my cat(Whiskers)home. To be continued...

P

Hello, again! So anyways, I hired my 16 year old brother to come and feed, play, and clean up after my kitty. Tyler, my brother, just needed some money, so he would do his business as quick as possible and get on with his life. So, when I came home Whiskers ran right up to me, and I realized that she smelled awful! I remembered that Whiskers like to drink from the toilet, and I was so mad that Tyler used my toilet and didn’t flush! To be continued...

P

So I ran my bathroom, and the smell was so bad, I could barely breath! How long was that turd sitting in my toilet!? So I called Tyler and started yelling at him for my cat drinking his poo! He told me that he never even used my bathroom, and he would spend 5 minutes at the most over at my apartment. Then, it hit me. I’m the one who didn’t flush! Right before I left, I never flushed! I was so embarrassed for yelling at Tyler, so I called him to apologize. To be continued...

P

I was so exhausted from the plane ride, that I flushed the toilet, cleaned up Whiskers and hurried off to my bedroom. Right before I was about to poop myself on my bed, I still smelled the poop! Then, I saw a brown blob on the pillow on the right side of my bed! Well, that’s where Whiskers sleeps most of the time. It was 2:00am! Tyler was furious with me for waking him up, I had to clean up multiple poopy messes, and my apartment stinks! I gave up, and slept on the couch for the night.

P

Don’t you just love when you’re constipated at your mom’s fancy dinner party, and everybody comes knocking on the door asking if you’re alright. But, really inside of the bathroom, you’re kind of happy because you’re on you phone ditching the boring party, but you trying to squeeze a poop out of your butt. It was a bittersweet moment.

L

Omg! That’s a like from me!!! Everybody should like this joke!!!πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»

J

Guys, I love all of your funny stories! You are wonderful fans! I am so thankful for all of you! And great news, Flo and I are engaged! She is so wonderful, I lover her!!!❀️❀️❀️

F

Omg!!! Jake is the sweetest!!! I absolutely love him!!! Come to our wedding on June 30th, 2019! It’s from 12-3 in front of the White House! You’re all invited!!! ❀️ πŸ‘°πŸ½ 🀡🏼 ❀️

P

I’ll be there!

P

Hi jects this is a great joke!!