i was trying to make homemade baby powder until i realized it isn't made from babies , oops wrong ingredient ... smh
it’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does parera sleep in?
Panera bed
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”
Isn't having Depersonalization mean that your like the animatronics off of fnaf/five night of freddies (if you don't know what Depersonalization is look it up)
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
War isn't about who's right. It's about who's left.
I need to get new shoes one of these isn’t right
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
to all those who say this is a joke. It isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. it's a part of humor we can keep. like if you agree.
If an orange is called an orange why isn’t a lemon called a yellow
Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.
An old man gets the call from the IRS The man on the phone says, “we’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office and the man there says,”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies,”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says,”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says,”alright last chance. I bet you 50,000 i can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agents desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “haha! I got you now!” But the mans lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands and says,”He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
isn't eating a clock time consuming
my husband left a note on the fridge that said, “this isn’t working.” im not sure what hes talking about. i opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? anyone know what he means?
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick...she still isn't talking to me
Suicide isn't funny but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat
