Dying jokes

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.

Kobe never died, he just faded away.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.

Why did Sally not come home from school today?

Because she died by a flying brick!

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?

Microsoft.

Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.

What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?

"Restore factory settings."

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.