Dying jokes
I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Did yall know this?
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.
Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.
Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
This is 15 first-year treating a swan.
Students return: "Without payment?"
The word "I die with many important problems."
Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!
Also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.