Dying jokes
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
Where do terrorists go when they die?
Answer: Everywhere.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
The reason why Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
What will die immediately instead of having to suffer torture on the spike of a Judas cradle? A Geometry Dash icon.
The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?