Dying jokes
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?
Dying alone.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.