Dying jokes
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Hey I have a joke for you.
My life hahah. I wanna die.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
When Stephen Hawking died, I assume his computer crash caused it.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
I got jealous when my phone dies.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
Yesterday I asked an emo girl if she's jealous when her phone dies.