Dying jokes
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?
Dying alone.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.