Dying jokes
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.
If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.
I don't want to die.
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.