Dying jokes

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

Emos get jealous when their phone dies.

An emo kid and a silent kid would be a good acquaintance because the emo would wish to die, and the silent kid would be the nice guy and grant that wish.

How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to be there.

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.

What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.