Dying jokes
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
Why did the skeleton die from laughter?
'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He hit Alt+F4.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.