Dying jokes

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He hit Alt+F4.

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.

If I die, delete my search history.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

I wanna die.

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"

"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."

A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"

Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."

Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

No one:

Literally no one:

Abraham Lincoln: *dies*

John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.