Dying jokes

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

Is die?

Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

If I die, delete my search history.

Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.

They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.

Why did the mailman die?

Because everyone dies.

Now their owner is dying.

HAHAHAHA

Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he forgot to plug in the charger.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.