Dying jokes

Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.

Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He had a computer virus!

Everybody was kung flu dying.

It traveled as fast as lightning.

2020 was expert timing.

In fact, it was a little bit frightening.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."