Dying jokes

Why do people always talk about nine eleven???

My dad died that day.

He was a good pilot.

Bully: You're gonna die.

Me: Hurry up then.

Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

His wife died.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

His wife changed the WiFi password.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

Someone dies.

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.