Dying jokes
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!
Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Why did the sheep die? Cos he wasn’t pretty enough.
I think I know why Stephen Hawking died, he pressed Alt+F4.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
People love you.
Don't die.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.
My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.