Dying jokes

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...

I think Jesus is broken.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To die on the other side.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?

Nothing, they died.

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.

1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?

2) Where did all the orphans go?

PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?

A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Why did Steward die in the toilet?

He saw his Undercut in the mirror.

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.