Dying jokes

My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.

If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Guess Stephen's batteries died.