Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, I DON’T WANNA SAY THIS, BUT I HAVE THE FLU.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
What did the kid say to the emo? Don't leave me hanging
Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?
The come with an Elon Musk.
What did one butthole say to the other? I don't know WHAT got into me last night!
Whats the difference with a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Uranus is larger than Neptune but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke also Neptune don't kill me)
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause' they don't have home games.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house
None because they don't have a home
Mother: How is my little cookie 🍪 doing?
Doctor 👩⚕️: Your cookie 🍪 is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor 👩⚕️: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?" "Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, ̈Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Why don’t asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wong number!!!
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs
So 2 kids argued and insulted each other...
KID 1: Your dad left because he didn't want you so why don't you kill yourself?
KID 2: Well your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you.
I don't have much motivation for things that's why i haven't yet killed myself hehe
Cashier: Will you want the milk in a bag today sir?
Customer: I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind.
Why can't orphans play base ball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes, and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
